Hollywood’s Top 5 Least Sexy “Sexy” Ladies…………………

We previously listed Hollywood’s top five least sexy “sexy” dudes, so it’s only fair the ladies should get the same treatment. Here are the five female celebrities most puzzlingly lauded as babes:

1.      Olivia Munn

We can see how she’d have nerd appeal to geeks that sit in their basements on their computer whose only exposure to females happens when their mom brings down a sandwich, but to real people? How? Her eyes look like they were sewn on upside down and her cheek-to-rest-of-the-face ratio is unsettling.

2.      Blake Lively

She’s tall, blonde, and big-boobed, but everything about this bimbo is so obvious. From the giant fake hooters hiked up to her chin to her skin-tight sausage dresses, everything about her look screams, “I’M TRYING,” and if you’re trying, you’re not sexy. Unless you’re trying to order us a large pizza to wipe down with a bottle of $5 wine, because that might actually turn us on.

3.      Taylor Swift

Her pretty, pretty princess shtick is about as sexy as a clenched anus. She’s 21 now, so the “Look at the cute lyrics I wrote in my Lisa Frank trapper keeper while I cried under the bleachers during gym class” thing doesn’t really fly anymore. Her stupid blonde ringlets give her the unfortunate look of being perpetually at prom, while her squinty eyes give her the look of being perpetually Asian. Good look on an actual Asian, but not so good on a white hillbilly from Tennessee.

4.      Miley Cyrus

Whenever there’s a major tween sensation, pervy old men inevitably make a big deal about how hot they’re going to be when they grow up and count down the days to the star’s 18^th birthday. Miley was so hyped as a kid, people have to pretend she grew up to be as hot as everyone expected rather than looking like an overgrown cabbage patch doll. Cover up her face with her ratty weave, though, and you might have something to work with.

5.      Angelina Jolie

Angelina is clearly beautiful, but we’ve met hamsters with more sex appeal. She is permanently frowning in her weird desperate attempt to Be Serious, and she still seems Most Likely to Suddenly Wield a Knife During Sex. Angelina is too terrifying to be sexy, and these days, too 70 lbs as well. Plus she seems like the type who would maybe make you read a poem before or after the act. Disgusting!